you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
