I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
