I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
