Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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