I want to make a zoo with you.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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