Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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