naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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