The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
