I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
