watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
