Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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