I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
