He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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