broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Floor bacon is actually really good
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