Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
