Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
