It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
