I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I could fuck to npr.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
