Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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