Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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