I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
