The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
