I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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