My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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