I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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