non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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