Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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