He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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