Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
ttyl tear gas
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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