That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
