i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can't trust your balls anymore.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
