I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
