My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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