do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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