were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
