One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
