I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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