do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i can't believe i had my finger in that
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
