she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
