By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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