omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
