i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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