did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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