I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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