Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
