found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
