i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm at about main and main street
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
