I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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