I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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