Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
