i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
