omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he laminated a picture of his dick.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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