We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
